Me, Myself, & Lies

On Thursday mornings I participate in a bible study entitled "Me, Myself, & Lies" by Jennifer Rothschild. The study is on our "thought closets." What we spend our time thinking about, our self talk, and how we "wear" it. I, like most other women I know, struggle with my thoughts. I think a lot. Non stop. I have become aware of how negative these thoughts generally are. I am convicted.

So, like most bible studies these days we have "homework" through the week. When we come together we discuss what we learned through the homework then watch a video to prepare us for next week and tie it in to the previous things we have learned. Here I am, doing my homework and I am thinking to myself "I don't get this," "I don't understand where she's going with this"...negative. Ironic, don't ya think? In a study of watching and correcting the negative thoughts, I am having an increase of negative thoughts. UGH.

I then decide to take a week off of the homework. So, I show up to bible study this morning, without having done my homework, and the discussion on the homework was wonderful! I really feel like I got a ton out of it, and was even able to participate freely. But then, I feel like maybe I should have done the homework b/c it was a really great week of insight that I had missed first hand. My next thought went straight to "well, maybe I would not have gotten any of this out of the homework myself if I would have done it." Then I think "Well, why not?"

So, I have come to the conclusion that I am a MESS! (note: negative self talk) HELP!!

Feeling Blessed

I just LOVE my family! I do believe we have entered a great phase of life. You know, when all of the hard work is still going on but is starting to pay off. Adam took on a second job and is working very hard at it. I am thankful for the sacrifice he has made and proud of how hard he works. We got a compliment on Kal from his school teacher, topped by 100% on a reading/comprhension/grammar test! Not to mention he was a hero last night and saved the day by being calm, smart, and brave in a "sticky" situation! Kamden is growing leaps and bounds since starting school and LOVES it!! I feel blessed that we have friends to hang out with and neighbors we can trust! Thank you God for these little reminders that remind me that "God is good...ALL the time!"

Cleaning House

As I write this, there are two strange men in my home cleaning the duct work. The dog is locked up, Kamden is confined to the couch (with me), and I cannot do any work as it is sooooo loud. I do not like having strange men in my home ever, especially when Adam is not home, but I know in the end our duct work will be clean!! This means a more heat/air efficient home, less dust mites and particles in the house, less dust. I look forward this evening to cleaning the house and having it stay clean (excluding the constant clutter that comes along with all of the boys in my house), cleaning the fish bowl and not seeing a film of dust coating the water again only hours afterward, the fresh smell of the home (hopefully rid of the stale smoke and old lady once and for all), and the list goes on. There is a lot to be said about a clean house...clean to the bones, behind the scenes.

On a similar note, Adam just called and informed me that he had just gotten word that he has been hired (for a second job) cleaning for Evansville Christian School that meets at the church. This is fantastic news for us. He will have to work 3 hours a night, 6 nights a week. YUCK. But, the extra cash will help us pay off our debt much, much quicker and get Adam into school for his Master's degree that much sooner.

It is only 10 am and I have already had a huge reminder that sometimes blessings come from sacrifice and a good cleaning. It all leads to a fresh start, new opportunities to be good stewards, to recognize our blessings as blessings. The sacrifices we have to endure are so minor when we look at the whole picture. Who am I to grumble and complain about strange men in my house or Adam's late night work schedule? Great things will come from both!! I look forward to the fresh start. Cleaning the inner workings...of both my house and of our disciplines. Here's to a clean house!

Eat, Pray, Love

Okay, so minutes ago I finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love. Was it a good book? Yes, I believe so. I did not agree with some of her philosophies, but it was very good for me to see "another side" of things, you know, different from my own views. I won't go into much of the book in case I have readers out there who may be interested in reading it for themselves, or seeing the movie.

I will say though that it was inspiring. Not in a leave everything behind and indulge and search for a year kind of way, but it reminded me of the importance of not only talking to God, but listening. How it is equally as important. I can say she's not a Christian, her morals are out of whack, her language is foul, et cetera, but am I a "better person" or whatever because I am a "Christian"? No. Sure, she has some crazy philosophies on God, but her disciplines were inspiring to me. Taking time out of life, every day, for the sole purpose of listening to God. Wow. I go to church, I pray, I read my Bible, I study, but...do I deliberately take time out to listen? Just listen. To be in tune to what he is saying to me. Am I paying attention to the answers He has given me? Am I truly thankful? Do I recognize His work in me, through me? Do I truly understand the fact that He will never leave me, that He loves me...unconditionally? YIKES. She was very clear on her openness and honesty with God, her conversations (and how it is a conversation...she really nailed the relationship part), and totally recognized His voice and that He was talking to her. How many of us recognize God's voice, God's prompting in our own life?

It is important, I believe, to take care of myself. To know who I am in Christ. It is important for everyone. I, for one, am going to work on the discipline of listening...to God. I am going to work on understanding His work in my life. I want to experience God, on every level, not just the levels that are easy for me.

It is so hard to put into words what I really mean here, but I suppose this will have to do, for now. I do think it is funny, though, how the "eat" and "love" parts I already get...it's the prayer that stuck out to me. Hmmm, I think I'll let this soak in for a while.

So Is The Silence

So is the silence. First day and I was hoping to get to hear all about it. Nope. Not Kal. He had nothing to say except for "it was not what I expected." Is this good? Is this bad? I don't know. Kamden and I drilled him with questions. Kamden started by asking if he had made any friends. I asked him what he ate for lunch. We got, "yes" and "mashed potatoes that smelled like green beans." GREAT. I do think, overall, it was a good enough experience for him. He does want to go back tomorrow. He was so brave today, went in without so much as a wave good-bye.

Kamden and I had a busy day today too. I was, of course, up early to start work. Then Kamden got a hair cut, came back for a couple of hours, then went to the dentist (for the first time). That kid is too much. He charmed his way through both the haircut and the dentist visit. He kept telling the dentist "this is awesome!" I think he made an impression. The girl cleaning his teeth would stop every once in a while and say "You are just too cute!" He sure can work his magic. It's a good thing he is cute, because he sure is a pill. He is so full of personality, I love it!

I, for one, am very glad the day is over, well, except for the homework Kal's teacher gave me. Kal told me there were 100 pages and Adam and I can split it 50 pages each. Thanks. Sad thing is, that's pretty close to accurate!

The First Day Of First Grade

School starts tomorrow. My firstborn will begin the first grade. He is very excited about it, and so am I! He thinks he was born to go to the first grade. For about 3 weeks now, that is all I have heard about. First grade this...in first grade that...

I am glad he is excited about it. I cannot imagine how hard it would be if he was dreading school and scared to go in. I don't ever remember being scared on the first day of school, but things were different where I come from. I knew everybody in my class already (all 18 of us who went through all of school together). I always already new my teacher (there was only one per grade). I cannot imagine going through the first day of school now. Kal is in one of 4 first grade classes. he has met his teacher only once, briefly. He has a locker. He has a pin number for the lunch line. He will be logging on to the computer with his own log in information for his school work. Wow. I think that would make me nervous...even now.

He is fearless. He loves to forge through new things. When he falls down, he gets back up again. Sometimes it may take a while, but he does. He forgives. He forgets. He goes on. He keeps his eye on the goal. He is not afraid to be himself. Oh, the innocence.

I have learned a great deal by watching Kal grow. He complements me, which makes things like the first day of first grade not so scary for either one of us.

Beauty From Ashes

Sometimes it feels like the world is spinning so fast and things crumble all around us. That seems to be the case in the Colter household lately. It is like we are all trying to find a new normal. I am not even sure why we need to but we have very clearly entered a new phase of life. This is challenging and chaotic, but in a good way, I think.

I can only imagine how the people in Haiti feel right now. I feel like my world is crumbling some days when their's actually is crumbling, literally, around them. Sitting on my nice cozy couch, checking up on the Internet, drinking my nice hot coffee after a good work out and Bible study I learn of another earthquake/aftershock and I am afraid. I can only imagine how afraid I would be if it were my home, my family, my body stuck in the rubble, killed, life as I once knew it...GONE. Without my faith I am sure I would be angry, bitter, and wish myself dead. With my faith would it truly be any different? Would I be able to handle it better? I would like to think my faith is genuine, strong, withstanding. Would I be blinded by the tragedy? What would comfort me? What would comfort you? God. God is the answer to all of those questions. God, I pray my faith is strong and can withstand any test. I believe, God, that you can bring beauty from ashes...That is what Jesus was sent for! THANK YOU!!!

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me because the Lord has anointed me to preach the good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from the darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devestated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. Isaiah 61:1-4